Pain it hurts
by Ajayee
Summary: this is a one shot with a poem i wrote in it its about Bella loosing a baby and how she deals with the pain from it though its not the best way . please be kind its my first attempt at a story one shot #do not own ed, bella,alice or jasper s.meyer does :


OK hey I'm new to this so I'm going to add this to the twilight section thought it be best since I read mostly twilight lol so this is a poem I wrote to one of my friends when she lost her baby I thought it would be good to write it into a one shot story or something I don't know if u think this sucks tell me I won't be offended lol I just wanted to get some feedback ok so here goes enjoy I hope and yes it's like a one shot short story thing

**Bella**

As I lay on this bed in hospital hearing the beep beep all I can feel are the tears rolling down my cheeks as I hear the doctor telling me I lost my child. It's the worst thing I have ever felt, I feel like my heart is being ripped out and jumped on a 1000 times in a row. Edward is staying beside me telling me we will be OK but I don't think I will, the pain is too much for me to deal with right now.

the next day they had a counselor named Sue Clearwater and trainee someone Mr White i think or was it Black i don't know he creeped me out though. She asked me how i felt about everything loosing the baby i didn't know what to tell her i felt sad and numb i didn't have anything to say so she eventually gave up and told me she would come see me tomorrow i just nodded and smiled. The next day she turned up again without her scary trainee and she tried to get me to talk again but it didn't go as she planned and she said im goin to have to talk to her or i wasn't going home tomorrow and i wanted to much to sleep in my own bed i hated the hospital and smells n crying others did my own crying was bad enough.

"Bella did you hear me will you please answer" Sue inquired breaking through my thoughts

"Pardon Sue please could you repete it" I tried to sound intrested

" I said how are you going to deal with going home tomorrow night "

" Umm well i will i don't know really I will see how things go I guess I know its going to hurt but i have to do it i cant keep this up and im really trying ill just have to see how i go i guess" hoping my reply would make her happy

" I see how would you feel about having more counseling sessions with me once you are home I believe it would be best for you and your recovery"

" I guess if you think it will help then i will" i tried to sound sweet but came of rude i know

" I will make see my receptionist and get her to make some appointments for you before you leave tomorrow is that OK" i just smiled and nodded at her.

With that she walked out smiling at me one more time. I just curled up in bed and cried again for my daughter i would not meet. We only just found out she was a girl Edward was convinced she was a he we argued about it and in the end i was right i rubbed it in so much he was all smiles though looking at his little daughter on the screen we still didn't decide a name for her i guess now we didn't have to with that i creid even harder then before god i was broken.

Today i was going home i couldn't wait i had to wait for more appointments and results from the doctors but tonight i was able to leave and i couldn't wait. At 5 Edward turned up asking if i was ready by then i was all packed medications and appointments confirmed time to go. The car ride was silent we didn't have much to say and i thought it best that way we headed in and done our normal route-en cooked dinner, watched tv and then showered and headed to bed. Edward was there already laying down waiting for me though we still didn't talk he knew and i knew what i needed to be in his arms with that i curled up and cried myself to sleep in his arms while he told me all would be OK i didn't believe him but i felt safe there in his arms.**  
**

**2 months later **

It's been 2 months and my counseling appointments were every week 2 times a week and I still feel nothing. I was released from the hospital 3 days after the accident, I don't remember what happened but I know that I've suppressed the memories . I can't touch Edward without feeling horrible and useless, I can hardly look at my best friend Alice and her husband when they come here, it's all too much. I sit in my little girls' room looking at all the things that should have been hers and all I do is cry, I've taken that away from her.

"Babe you need to get out of here so we can start clearing this stuff up" I heard Edward say from the doorway he still refuses to walk in here

"We will just not yet, I'm not ready to let go yet" I tried to give him a small smile but it was watery and sad.

"Ok well I'm going to see Jasper tonight, I think Alice will come see you soon"

"Ok I'll see you when you come home" I replied not really knowing what's going on.

He smiled at me and gave me a long kiss on my forehead, he always did that when I was sad, he just didn't know how to take my pain away. I don't blame him, I don't even know how to take my pain away.

Around an hour later, Alice showed up and we made small talk just about the things that have been going on in her life, her marriage with Jasper and how work was going for her. See she was a writer and she loved all things about writing, she was a bright bubbly person who loved all things. She could make me smile even when I wanted to cry.

"So how u holding up with everything?, Edward said u still won't clean her room out"

I knew they talked a lot but it didn't worry me, Alice was like a sister we had all grown up together

I looked at her with tears streaming down my face "I'm not ready yet Alice, I can't say good bye I didn't even give her a name. it was all taken away from me"

She smiled at me knowing what I was saying then she ruffled through her bag and pulled out a yellow folder I eyed her skeptically .

"I wrote it for u Bella when u first lost her I didn't know what to say or do so I wrote this I hope it helps you in some way " she gave me a light smile and handed it over to me

"I'll read it after Alice if that's ok ?" I didn't really think I was up to it at the moment

"All in good time Bella all in good time" she smiled at me

"Well my sweet Bella I must be going my hunk of man will be waiting and I'm going to kick yours to the curb" she laught as she got of the lounge

"Thanks for coming over Alice and it was good to see you again" she came over and hugged me and walked out the door.

A little while later I was showered clean and in bed playing with the yellow folder in my hands when Edward walked in.

"How was your night ?" he asked eyeing the yellow folder

"Was good how was yours" I replied

" Same as always watched the game had a few drinks worried about u missed u " he said as he came over and gave me a kiss I just smiled up at him

"I'm going to go have a shower then snuggle up to u is that ok " I hated the worried look on his beautiful features they didn't belong there.

"Of course i'll wait for u and u can read this with me then it's just something Alice done for me" I didn't want to look at it myself I had a feeling it wasn't going to be good

"Ok give me a few" and with that he walked into the shower while I sit there and looked at the folder like it was going to blow or something . All too soon Edward was crawling into bed and kissing me on my temple.

"So you ready" he asked the concern in his voice evident

"Hmmm guess so " I replied opening the folder up pulling out the laminated paper and slowing reading it.

To Bella I know not what your pain is nor do I assume to know I just hope this will help in some way

Your loving best friend Alice

It was a poem that she wrote so much care so beautiful this is what it read

"A child no name given,

Nor one breath took,

Nor one photo shot

But the pain of losing you is more then I can bare

I knew you were there

I knew you were growing

And in one day you were taken away

You may not have a name

You may not have been born

But you grew in me and that's a gift that I adored

Your short life all in me

A gift from heaven is all I see

My pain each day will lesson

But my thoughts of you will never go away

You're the baby I wanted

A loving family would you have

But it was not meant to be this time

As I go on a smile on my face

A thought of you will never be replaced"

I looked at Edward who also had tears but he was more for my reaction

I just smiled at him through my streaked cheeks and watery eyes and kissed him as hard as I could in that moment I relised that he had lost also but he was also loosing me and that scared him more.

We lay there all night not talking just holding and me crying .

Though the pain still hurts of losing her I know I'll be ok as Alice said a thought of her will never be replaced.

The end … Hope you liked it let me know honestly what you thing


End file.
